Hola hombres:
This is probably going to be old news to you if you follow me on FB or the ‘Gram, but I gave this “Function of Beauty” custom hair care a try, and I’m here to tell you what I think.
The premise: For $36 to start, you select three descriptors of your hair type so they know what they’re working with, then choose five hair goals, pick a color, then pick a fragrance—mild, medium, or strong. You get these (pretty big, TBH) bottles and pumps with a little write-up about the (all natural) ingredients that were specifically chosen for your lid, with your NAME on the side.
I went with my inexplicable ‘gram handle I made back when I didn’t think Instagram was going to be anything, Wodehizzle. (Wodehouse. My last name.)
A little about me and my ‘do: I’ve struggled with taming my weird curl pattern my whole life, and have to sort of fight her in spring and summer to have any self esteem without a hat. This causes a great deal of damage, as does lightening it up, and my habit of picking at it when I’m thinking about stuff. Bottom line: I have to up the ante with my shampoo and conditioner (read: spend) or it will break off and look like a lion’s mane if I don’t massage expensive oils into my ends at all times. I don’t play around when it comes to this stuff—and it’s usually Moroccan Oil or bust.
That said, I felt compelled to try this out—so let’s dive into the quiz part.
Of the straight, wavy, curly, or coily types, I chose curly. For structure, I chose coarse from fine, medium and coarse, which I’m not sure was exactly right, but it’s thick and my darker strands are very stubborn, so figured it couldn’t hurt. Then, for scalp moisture, I went with normal out of dry, normal and oily. I only wash my hair every 4-5 days or so, so that’s not a real issue for me.
Next, you pick your goals. I’ve been having to cut mine pretty regularly this winter to fix the damage I did to it this fall—vacations, flat irons, salt water, traveling—and it’s taking months to get it back to healthy. So mine were:
- Lengthen
- Straighten
- Fix split ends
- Thermal protection
- Deep condition
There are so many to choose from, it’s honestly difficult—but things like oil control, color protection, curl definition and scalp soothing are proof they’ve got every issue covered. I sort of get confused when I see “replenish” “hydrate” and “condition”—aren’t they the same?—but I appreciate the range.
I got a pretty grey/blue color (I have to say, choosing this is so novel to me—I love a uniform shelf and my shower is all over the place with noisy labels). Then, what I’ve been asked the most about: I went with the default fragrance, essential oils, and the medium fragrance level. I’ve never had a shampoo anyone has been able to smell on me later, so figured now was the time to try it. It sort of knocked my socks off when I first smelled it, but it’s got a minty eucalyptus that tingles in all the right ways and clears my sinuses. I could slightly smell it when I went to bed and it was niiiice.
Here’s my regimen (but I will not be washing it that frequently! Took me a lot of patience and dedication to get to 1x 5 days, and it has paid off).
Results: body, bounce, tamed frizz, and mondo softness. Honestly, I was super impressed.
The conditioner wasn’t super heavy or creamy, but you wouldn’t know from the dry results. I did all my normal products (oil on ends, booster spray at roots, some grooming creme), and the weightlessness was probably the most notable thing. Touchably soft—no fingers getting stuck like with keratin-style products. It lasted for all the days, and better than usual—again, that weightlessness. For the goals I had, you’d expect sticky or heavy. Nope! Genius.
Also: my balyage-d ends were happy, less breakage, and I felt less dry leading up to my last day before I get to that “Ok, things are breaking” point where I need to wash not to clean my scalp, but to remoisturize my ends.
Want to give it a try? Get $5 off with this link and hit me up with your thoughts. And I know—I totally should have gone with pink.
-C.
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